Hypothetical Question: Wife or Weed Carrier?

Who’s more important to a rapper – their girl or their weed carrier?

This is an important conversation to have. When you seek to understand an individual, it’s important to understand their motivations, their needs, their desires, their preferences, and the most important people in their lives.

In the lives of most modern day rappers there are a number of reoccurring characters. Jewelers, lawyers, haters, and random b*tches all make appearances in their lyrics, but there are three that reign supreme above all else: their mother, their girl, and their weed carrier.

Mother
The mother in hip-hop is surely the most important figure in the rapper’s life. Entire albums and careers have been built based on the artist’s relationship with their mother. Tupac showed his softer side in ‘Dear Momma’ when he said the famous lyrics “And even as a crack fiend, mama/You always was a black queen, mama”. Notorious B.I.G. chronicled his mother’s struggle with labor in ‘Respect’ when he said “2:19, that’s when my momma water burst.” They must’ve had a special relationship for her to timestamp that moment. Kanye called his mom, “unbreakable and unmistakable” in ‘Hey Mama’ and Jay-Z let his mom do the chorus in ‘December 4th’ which I think we all appreciated. The one exception to this rule is of course Eminem. Eminem really, really hates his mom, but he’s sort of the exception that proves the rule. Despite his vile contempt for Debbie Mathers, it’d be hard to deny that much of Marshall’s career is built upon that fact.

Basically, what I’m saying is we’re not here to talk about number one. We’re here to talk about the on deck slot. Which is a slot that I’m convinced is comprised of either their girl or weed carrier.

Girl
Monogamous affection has a dubious role in hip-hop. Much of the bravado of rappers is built on the artist’s commitment to a non-monogamous life style. Ludacris clearly has a number of different hoes scattered throughout our proud nation. DMX and Sisqo wondered what “Brenda, LaTisha, Linda, Felicia, Dawn, LeShaun, Ines, and Alicia” could all possibly want and every time we turn around Lil Wayne is drowning in p*ssy and then swimming to butts. Maybe he shouldn’t turn them into “f*cking fire hydrants” and he wouldn’t have to worry about the threat of drowning. However, there is that one bright shining exception.

They’re rare, but when they come around the entire world should take notice, the hip-hop love song.

When I speak of the hip-hop love song I’m not talking about some Trey Songz sappy pandering crap and I’m not even talking about some LL Cool J, Mr. Smith era nonsense. I’m talking about real hip-hop love songs. I’m talking about the affection reflected in ‘How’s It Goin Down’. The kind of love and trust heard in the line, “Never mind yo, I need you to go/Take this snow up to 150, see Joe/Get that, come back with that/We can split that, sit back/ F*ck, puff a L, forget that/You wit dat?” He cares about this girl enough to send her on a drug run and in exchange he’s willing to split the profits and reward her with f*cking. Now, that’s love.

Pusha T put it a little more succinctly in a track called ‘Trust You’ off his latest mixtape, Wrath of Caine. The chorus simply says it all, “These women ain’t shit but hoes with tricks/Baby girl, you different…I just might trust you with my drugs.” Apparently, this sentiment is amongst the highest compliments that can be given by a rapper and not one bestowed upon every girl. I mean, sure Beyonce wears Jay’s chain, but would he trust her to pop on down to 560 State Street in a pinch, who knows? Mr Carter’s ascension to what’s tantamount to royalty has made “flying first class to change the forecast” and dealing with Gwyneth Paltrow the only test that his relationship has to face.
However, there is another figure in a rapper’s world who may hold more weight, so to speak.

Weed Carrier
Weed Carrier is an amorphous and perhaps intentionally vague title. It of course refers to the member of the artist’s entourage entrusted with responsibility of carrying the weed. In case anything goes down. He’ll literally be the one holding the bag and doing the time. I would assume that they need to constantly be around and also maintain a certain level of inventory. Much like a Regulator they can’t just be any “geek off the street/Gotta be handy with the steel if you know what I mean, earn your keep!” You rarely learn the weed guy’s name. If he does his job right he’s invisible and ready at a moment’s notice.

We can only speculate on the identities of weed guys. Memphis Bleek certainly could be a weed guy. That might explain Jay-Z’s loyalty and Memphis’ disappearance of late; you shouldn’t have a weed guy and be friends with the President. You have to think that Apl.de.ap and Taboo must be of some use to Will.I.Am. They’re either weed guys or they have incriminating photos. Splif Star could be Busta Rhyme’s guy. He’s certainly seems to be around enough and I always wondered way Busta needed his helps on stage.

(special note: A step above Weed Guy is Gun Guy and seriously more rappers should invest in that one. T.I. and Lil Wayne can certainly attest to that, but despite the inherent risks Rick Ross still has “a choppa in the car“and Pusha keep’s his “in the closet”. All I’m saying is get a Gun Guy.)

Well, the debate continues. I’ve given you the evidence. Decide for yourself.